Four Letters
by astridelta
Summary: Sasuke writes four letters to Kakashi. Rated T. Character death and overall feels.


Heya, everyone!

After a "slight" hiatus, I am back and ready to go! Just wanted to get back into the swing of things by writing some Team Seven angst and sadness; so I hope you all enjoy!

With love, Astridelta 5/10-14

* * *

_Letter One: Time is but an illusion_

_Kakashi,_

_A lot can happen in a year. A lot can __change__ in a year; a lot has changed. I can tell each day grows more and more painful for the others, I see it in their eyes much as I saw it in yours, the ache of loneliness and guilt. They try to pretend they are better, but I know them. You always said I observe things better than other people. I wonder if you'd be proud of me for it. _

_She cries at least once a day, you know. She insists she doesn't, but whenever I see her there's that red tint and the glazed appearance to her gaze, the quickly dried tear stains on her cheeks and the slightly shaking fists she curls her fingers into. She may have gotten stronger, but her emotions still get the better of her. She tries to stay cheerful, but it's almost painfully obvious she isn't as radiant as she tries to appear._

_ As for him, I would think he blames himself, but I can't know for sure; he hardly speaks anymore. I have to visit him every day to ensure he eats properly, even then those are brief encounters. He quickly ejects me from his place the second my role has been played there. It's slightly horrifying to watch, really. Is this what I was like, all those years ago? _

_Ever since my return, I was the one shutting people out. But now, it seems the roles have been reversed. It is my task to stay strong for the others, to not let them retreat within themselves. It's amusing in a sense, that I am even doing this. Moreover, that I want to. _

_But I can't stay strong forever, Kakashi. As much as I loathe to admit it, you were the base of Team Seven. You were the foundation upon which we grew, I in a more darker manner than you had intended, but you influenced my life all the same. You influenced their lives; he often tells me of the time you aided him in mastering elemental chakra. She prefers to recall when you promised her you would fix the broken bond between me and him, so long ago it feels like a different lifetime. _

_I am not the base of Team Seven. He isn't, neither is she. You are, and without our foundation we are crumbling. Slowly fading away, we're all a shadow of our former selves. This would be so much less...over-whelming if I didn't have to look after them. I cringe at the thought of living like this for the years to come..._

_I wonder, sometimes, if you're watching us; from wherever you may be. I wonder if you know how they're falling apart, how I'm barely keeping myself together. I wonder if you would know what to do if you were in my place. I wonder if I had just been slightly faster, slightly stronger...if I could have saved you myself. _

_We can't do this alone, Kakashi. I can't. We need you, we can't do this alone. This year has been torturous. It doesn't even feel real, like a nightmare. Time is passing so slowly._

_Sasuke._

_Letter Two: Standing still_

_To Kakashi,_

_Five years has done nothing to ease the ache of your passing. We have neither moved forward in our grief, nor have we moved back further into our pain. We are stuck, standing still in our mourning, where we were years ago. _

_But the time has also brought much needed distractions. With Tsunade stepping down from the Hokage seat two years ago, __he__ Naruto has taken the mantle of the position and has led the village. Very prosperously, which is a surprise. Although he still doesn't take well to the paperwork; I can't say I blame him, but I've seen his office. The way he organizes those damn forms is near atrocious. _

_Sakura has done well for herself, too. She's replaced Shizune as the head of the medical-nin department, and even learned Tsunade's Yin Seal. She truly is that woman's apprentice. She takes better to paperwork than Naruto, but I can tell she still yearns for missions. Not that she never receives them, but her duties tie her more to the village than to the outside vocation. Naruto still tries to get her missions outside of the country as much as possible, though._

_As for I, I cannot lay claim to the success my teammates have achieved. I've been offered the position of ANBU many times; but my time of bloodlust is over. I cannot say I wish to receive missions that involve nothing but slaughter. As it is, I hold the Jonin position; Naruto has proposed the idea that I take on a Genin team to lead. That I have denied as well. I don't work well with children, and if any of them are like how Naruto used to be, I might just strangle them before their first mission._

_For now, my family's wealth sustains my rent and bills, and I spend my days training for missions I won't take, and waiting for Naruto to get off work so we can spar. I rarely see Sakura these days; she's often locked up in the hospital until the late hours of the night combating an unknown ailment of some sort, and when I do see her she seems more tired than the last._

_She's better than she was, five years ago. She doesn't seem to cry as often, or if she does, she has gotten better at hiding it. Naruto's better as well; he talks and behaves as he used to. But he's still not as energetic as he used to be; it's a maturity only brought on by loss and grief, as I would very well know. I'm still trying to stay strong. It's gotten easier, since the other two are less broken._

_But we aren't a unit like we used to be. Naruto has his commitments as the Hokage, Sakura her's as the head medic. Five years ago, I would have been grateful for the rift growing between us, but now I'm realized I need them more than I thought, more than I want to accept. Would this have happened if you were still here? I doubt it._

_As it is, I'm standing still while Naruto and Sakura are walking away. _

_Sasuke._

_Letter Three: I never knew you_

_Dear Kakashi,_

_I know how you felt now, all those years ago. Ten years have brought me more pain than I ever thought to bear, and it never gets any easier. You seldom spoke of it, but you felt such tremendous loss and bore aching guilt from an underlying cause._

_Sakura and Naruto are dead._

_Her death was much more unexpected than Naruto's. Konoha was under siege of some rogue ninjas aiming to claim the Akatsuki's title of the most dangerous organized group of rogue-nin._

_ I was not there when it happened, thankfully, but I have heard she was evacuating patients from the hospital when two rogues struck her down. She put up a valiant fight; the hospital is still being built from the ground up due to the destruction she laid upon it. _

_Naruto's death followed shortly thereafter; he was traveling to the Five Kage Summit when our group was ambushed. I was charged with guarding Naruto with my life, if necessary. I didn't consider that I would actually be in a situation where that was called for, but the moment I saw him struck down I knew, I knew I hadn't protected him. _

_Is this what you felt like, Kakashi? This empty ache and hollowness in my chest, is this the burden you carried? _

_It's been ten years since you died. Two since Sakura, and one since Naruto. I am the only member of Team Seven left, and I'm more alone than I ever thought possible. I guess I never knew you, if I couldn't comprehend this pain that joins me late in the night with angry tears and bloody fists.__  
_

_Sasuke._

_Letter Four: Joining you in sleep_

_Sensei,_

_I can feel my life slipping away with every breath I take now. Each word I write draws more energy that could be better spent elsewhere...I suppose old age does this to you._

_Fifty years since you died, Kakashi. Fifty years. Forty-eight since Sakura, Forty-nine since Naruto. It has truly been a terribly long fifty years. _

_Despite what I originally planned, so long ago, I never revived my clan. The name is too stained with blood and lies for there to be any honor in it, and I would much rather people believe the lies my brother had fed them. _

_I set a memorial for you, Sakura, and Naruto, next to the memorial obelisk. It's simple really; I know you and Sakura would have liked it. Naruto would have wanted something more spectacular. It's a small fountain that falls into a pond, with a sakura tree next to it. It is beautiful in the springtime. You should see it. __Your names are carved into three rocks at the bottom of the pond. _

_I sometimes find myself wishing I had died sooner. Many times I considered taking my own life, and few I actually attempted. Obviously, none. I succeeded. I simply had nothing to live for. I had my revenge, and my hatred of Konoha died out. My teacher and my friends were murdered, and I long since avenged all of you. _

_But now is my time, and I could not be more grateful. For if there is truly a life after this, then I will find my family there. I will find Team Seven there. _

_I grow more tired by the minute, and my mind no longer wishes to convey these words. Soon, I will be joining you in sleep._

_Your pupil, Sasuke._


End file.
